It's not a lake... it's an ocean

So, i’m 21 next month.
Over the past couple of years i’ve tried to think like i’m still young, but it’s becoming painfully clear that i’m not.  Physically i’ve really let myself down here but mentally I just don’t think i’m strong enough to handle the reality of the situation…
I mean, I still need a job and I apply like crazy but never hear anything back but everyone else I know gets an interview every once in a while at least (what am I doing wrong?!).
I just feel as if, at almost 21, I should have a better grasp on what i’m going to do with my life… or at least what i’m going to do throughout the week!
I honestly don’t mean to moan but I just feel like a massive failure and no matter what my friends say or anyone else, I just feel alone…

The lack of sleep is killing me but it’s alright, i’ll catch up on it tonight.
I promise my brain that much at least…
(plus, partly cooked pizza for breakfast does NOT agree with my stomach… ow!)

Actually losing weight.
I’m aware that no-one cares really… but damn am I impressed. 

I’m sick of being self-conscious, I really am.
I am endeavouring to lose weight, but until then i’d appreciate people NOT pointing the fact that since i’ve had my hair cut I look even FATTER.
I mean c’mon, it’s hard enough to be ME that I everytime I change ME I apparently become a worse ME.

I do apologise if that previous sentence seemed centred upon me, but that’s the point.
That’s all I wanna be. 

It’s 3am and i’m ready for bed.
Fully clothed coz I don’t give a damn…
haha

Goodnight peeps, have a good un
: D
x